I’d like to add some things about the fact that this is a deep internal type of journey, as much as it is external. I have a lot of mixed feelings about blogging around my trip, because this is something I chose to do for myself. I’m not sure I want to share it with the multitudes of people who have access to the internet. And yet, in person, I’m an open book. I love relationship and sharing face to face with one another. So if we meet, I’m so happy to go deeper, and share more of the intricacies. But I do want to share here as well. I want to tell you about the way I meet people and how hard and lonely it can get sometimes. I want to share how vanlife works, how I’m not traveling in a sprinter van nor in any other kind of luxury, but what I do end up doing to keep going. And I want to inspire you to live more freely within yourself, more confidently to be less connected to societal norms, to dream big and heal, and maybe later I’ll share more of my bigger goals and dreams… because this journey is helping me collect resources and tools and humans with the skills I don’t have to be a part of my magic-making. I also want to share the stories of the people I meet, and the gifts they are putting out into the world.
I’m not entirely sure if there’s a better platform to do this on, but I’m a little OCD and don’t like to be too spread out… I’m trying to condense all I’m doing under one umbrella. This is a learning process for me too.
Okay! Onward. So yesterday I posted about some of the places and people I met along the way, some diamonds I’ve been able to collect for my travel pouch, if you will.
New Mexico. Things started to really shift here. I began to know the gravity in my intuition with more clarity, I began to find the ways I could connect to people faster than I did in Austin, I fell under the care of work-trade hosts, and started to step into an understanding of how my recent state of grief could be useful and propel me forward a bit.
As I watched Texas in my rear-view mirror, I greeted the New Mexico border with a bit of relief and hope. Ha! Not that Texas was horrible, but I certainly had some great loss (financial and emotional) there that I was ready to cross into a new territory, a new mini-season, not to mention getting out of that kind of summer heat was on the agenda. Directly from Marfa and Big Bend, I drove north to Carlsbad Caverns. If you have never been, I would recommend it if you are in the area. I’m constantly amazed at the detail and depth of the broad spectrum of ecology and landform in this world, and the ability for humans to discover it. You don’t know until you actually experience a great many things for yourself. It’s one thing to read about them, and see photographs, but it won’t blow your mind in it’s legitimacy until you see it, feel it, smell it, hear it, taste it… (Beokia! Just say yes…). Entering Carlsbad Caverns through its damp mouth, the smell at first is of bat and swallow poop, and as you descend the winding ramp, deeper and deeper, just wet mineral. And it seems like you just keep descending forever. It’s mildly terrifying in a way. But in a beautiful, mind-blowing way. I had to stop and cry for a minute, wishing I was experiencing it with someone. After losing your adventure partner, it’s quite different to experience big beautiful things and have no one to look at in shared amazement.
I then drove to Carlsbad to try to find somewhere to post up for the night, and eventually found somewhere through freecampsites.net …. the reviews said a mix of things, that it was left trashed and unsafe, while others said it had been picked up a lot and they’d camped out there for multiple nights. When I got there, I did notice a fair amount of trash lining the parking area, and a full dumpster to the left. I parked and got out to take a quick snapshot of the van against the backdrop of the open sky and lake behind it, and as I walked back to the door, I noticed hundreds of nails all over the ground under my wheels! They were everywhere. A bit frustrated that there was a very good chance I had a nail or two lodged into my tires, I walked back towards where I entered, and found a better spot. It did give me a strange feeling, but I thought I’d try to perhaps just move anyway, as I was quite tired from the day. As I began to pull over, there to my right, something I somehow missed entirely until that moment, lay a dead deer, mutilated, with its head sticking up in my direction. It was practically looking at me, with its tongue hanging out of its mouth, as if to say, “leave. now.” Gut instinct said this was definitely not a safe place to be that night. So despite being exhausted, I drove out and on toward the next town, where I did eventually find some street parking. The first street I landed on I was next to a tall fence, but the other side of it housed a small dog that would not let up its yapping when I parked, so i tried once more a few blocks away, and to my relief found it as good a spot as any.
The next day I drove up towards White Sands National Monument, and first hit a beautiful mountainous area, the Lincoln National Forest. I stopped in Cloudcroft, a cute little Mountain town, for a bathroom and to check out some of their little shops. On my way out, I came upon Osha Trailhead, just before the Trestle Vista Observation Site, and decided a little hike would do me VERY well. As I walked the trail, my heart melted a bit, as it reminded me so much of the Maine woods back home, and even felt a crisp chill in the air. It was magical, and just what I needed! The first time I’d seen tall pine tree forest in a few months. I found a bench to stop and write in my journal, when I was startled from behind by an older couple I didnt hear coming up my way. They apologized and we started chatting. They were from Chicago, I believe, and I told them about my road trip. They were so excited for my travels, and after we talked about excitement over White Sands (where they had just come from), we said our goodbyes, they walked away, but the woman suddenly came back in site and handed me a $20 bill. She said something along the lines of “Here. We really want to support your travels, even just a little bit! ..Because you didn’t ask for money.” I was so shocked at their kindness! And I realized then that all the words given to me prior to my journey were right, that in traveling, you will constantly encounter people who will want to help you. Couches to sleep on, food to sustain you, and sometimes money in your gas tank. One love!
From there I drove to White Sands, and my God, I think that was my favorite stop so far. Pure Magic in every moment. I had also bought a cheap tent at WalMart at the town I slept in the night before, just in case I’d need it. They only allow primitive camping there, so I was so glad I did. It was the most beautiful place I’ve ever camped. Again, really wished I had someone there to experience it with me, but on my way out I connected with a couple from California, who’d also just camped White Sands, traveling in their Astro Van, and fairly simply. So we talked for a bit about Vanlife, and I showed them the inside of mine, and shared a little of my journey thus far. Excited for the possibilities ahead of them, they offered accommodations once I got to California, and we exchanged information. Now they are fully and beautifully exploring in their van too, and I love following their romantically adorable exploration posts (you can too!).
From the Magenta, Violet, Periwinkle, and Golden sands of the sunrise I left behind, I made my way to Truth or Consequences. Unfortunately I was pretty out of season, and almost nothing was open, save for a little coffee shop. My blood sugar was dropping and I needed food…. and this spot was not providing anything but wifi and a nice cup of tea. I wanted to check out the well known hot springs there, but I was confused. All the hot springs were behind walls and required an access fee. I was too hungry and too broke to give in, so my trip there was quite short. To Albuquerque I advanced.
Once there I was intimidated by the vast view of buildings, and I realized that this city was massive! It took me a week or two to figure out the layout, but I finally did. I found a Whole Foods, which was a familiar constant in many places I’ve been… and took a nap in the parking lot. For dinner I went on a hunt for a cheap and healthy restaurant or brewery. The place I landed was a super lovely place called The Feel Good, a farm-to-table restaurant with the sweetest little iconography on their menu and a lovely selection of wine. I chatted with the bar tenders and told them about my travels and the restaurants back home I’d just come from, and they told me of the owner’s vision for their cluster of spots in Albuquerque and Santa Fe. I stayed late and one of them, a native, wrote down a list of must-see’s while I was in NM, and asked if I had a safe place to stay for the night. I said I hadn’t yet found anything, and if they knew of somewhere, I’d love any suggestions. Some of the places I’d driven through really didn’t seem too inviting. He went back to the kitchen and apparently called his wife to confirm, but came back and told me they would be happy to invite me to their street and to park in front of their house, that their neighborhood was full of retired people who wouldn’t think twice about it. I accepted with a lot of gratitude! Again, another kind human! The other bartender and I connected as well and went on a little adventure to a place in town called “the Glass Graveyard”. This was apparently a dump for literally tons of glass bottles from the 1910’s-1960’s, I believe. I found a really lovely little piece of glass that I kept, and a weird lava chunk. It resides by my window next to some of the other crystals and stones I’ve collected along the way.
I stayed the next week with a lovely little couple, through workaway, who have a hipcamp and workaway setup for their tiny but gorgeous property engulfed in the most beautiful garden. If you’re ever in Albuquerque, consider their home to stay, through hipcamp, workaway, or the Dyrt. (Mother Bosque Garden)
From Albuquerque I drove to Tajeras to stay at Rare Birds Community, also a work-away opportunity. This was a special place, which gave me some insight in how to run a community as well as things that work and things that don’t. I connected with some incredibly beautiful souls there, that I will stay connected with for a long time, i’m sure. The first night I was there I was recieved by both the most incredible hail storm I’ve ever encountered, and an incredibly healing hug with two humans. One was a young woman from Wisconsin, and the other a man from Oregon, and we made a particular shape with our hug that I ended up drawing in my journal, because of its impact on my heart and need for human contact at that time. This place also brought MANY particular reminders of my last partner who started the trip with me, in really crazy ways, so as healing as this beautiful community space was, it also felt pretty confusing. Have you ever had someone’s essence follow you for a long time, even if they are not physically there? So strange…
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So how did I financially launched this all? Listen, I’ll admit, am horrible with money. Its something I’m learning to be better at. Learning. I’ve never just attracted money like some people seem to, but I’ve always been provided for daily, and I will always figure it out. I will get a job somewhere or sell some handmade jewelry if I need gas or to pay a bill. I’ll work-trade for food and lodging. (You guys. WWOOF and Workaway!!!! THIS IS OFTEN HOW I TRAVEL. You can wwoof or workaway almost anywhere in the world!) And Networking is huge. I can’t stress this enough. Just meet people and see what doors open! When you know you are where you’re supposed to be, you can trust that everything will fall into place. This is hard for some people. I planned for a few years, loosely, as I’ve learned to keep that an extremely loose word in my vocabulary! I paid off some debt working on Cape Cod. I left Maine in January 2019 with not a lot of money and a bag full of faith. I got a good little chunk of money from tax returns, which got me to my next destination, and by the time I got to Albuquerque, I checked my weekly Horoscope (Cal Garrison) one day while sipping an almond milk latte at the counter in the window at Zendo Cafe, which told me I had “2 weeks to get my shit together”. This actually really resonated with me, as I knew my finances were dwindling. It lit a fire under my butt to get my resume out there to as many places as possible. Within a few days I had an option up in Portland, Oregon, and one in Santa Fe. Pretty extreme options, and nowhere near my Malibu destination for the Fall to begin my Herbalism Apprenticeship at the Gaia School of Healing. Originally my plan was to take Ferdinand exploring, spiraling around the West until September, but turned out, had I not gotten my shit together in 2 weeks, I would have been completely broke and stranded somewhere in an Arizona desert or in the Rocky Mountains. My time in Texas also set me back a month, so I was already behind schedule. The decision of where to post for the summer was weighed . Either I go to Portland, where I have many friends, and MIGHT get grandfathered into one of the best restaurants there with my former coworker from Ceraldi IF they lost a server, but no guarantees, or I stay in New Mexico and take the job I was offered at one of the best restaurants in Santa Fe, guaranteed, but risk overheating my van and not having any connection here. While weighing these options, very close to driving north, I sat at the counter, drinking an almond milk latte at Sky coffee, and decided to chat up the barista a bit, the first human in any service industry in Santa Fe I’d found to actually be happy to be at work and serving the people who came in (What is up with that?! It’s really hard to come by here, and I guess I’m spoiled from working in New England, but I’ve never encountered so many grumpy baristas and servers as I have here!). Turned out he was from the East Coast, but recently moved down from Portland, OR, and highly recommended I stay here, as the vibe was way more connective and the Magic more tangible. I told him I was trying to maybe find farm work, so he invited me to come check out the farm he was working at in Tesuque. I set up a time and checked it out, and that was the catalyst for my decision to stay. Turned out it wasn’t meant to be in that sense, but I’m glad it helped me make a decision (Thanks Uvee!).
I’ve taken advantage of the many free hours and days i’ve had, despite working a lot, I’ve been able to see so much. I hiked Atalaya, experienced the Taos Pueblo Powwow, dipped into Nambe Falls, barefoot hiked the Tent Rocks, climbed the ladders at Bandelier, hiked Rio en Medio and stood behind the waterfall, Sunrise water ceremony under a waterfall in Dixon with a dear sister from Australia after a late night drum circle she led in Velarde, Camped next to the Hondo, Rio river in the Taos Ski Valley, treated myself to the Love Apple in Taos as well as enjoyed their saturday Farmers’ Market, explored the Rio Grande Gorge (where I was sure Ferdinand would leave me stranded, but she totally did it!) Converged with tons of fellow Vanlifers at Hotel Luna Mystica in El Prado (Vanlife Diaries is a fun resource!) , hiked off the path at Spence Springs in the Jamez area, barefoot hiked through the Aspen Forest near the Santa Fe Ski Valley with a super rad girl from New Zealand I met at Ecstatic Dance, I house/garden sat in La Cienega for a beautiful woman while she traveled for two weeks, and made other amazing connections with people through work at the restaurant. It’s safe to say I really love the high desert of New Mexico. I’ve really felt the magic here. And when I’ve felt loneliness along the trip, something about this place has completely filled the void of that emptiness. The energy and vibes, man. It’s a thing.
Today I had tea and a “get your shit together” friend date with a blonde haired incredibly long bearded young man from Israel and Australia, who is deeply integrated in the Permaculture world, and making a huge difference in how Israel grows their food, and perhaps their humans. I shared with him a little of my big vision, and he, his, with me. We both seem to be in this place of trying to figure out how to make everything work, and how to grow the seeds which have been planted, but commented on how major meeting people along the way is for the spiritual understanding of implementation of sustainable living and community. He’s building some workshops right now, which he is traveling around the US for, partially, and I can’t help but wonder how this interaction will effect my work down the road. Some people you meet are so likeminded, and woven into your world before the time illusion brings you together. I may never see him again, but it was a synchronistic meeting at Paradiso the other night, for a reason.
Tonight I reflect and get ready to depart New Mexico in about 10 days. Specifically why? Because on the eve of the Summer Solstice, I was officially accepted into the Gaia School of Healing. I’m Going to California, baby. I am really looking forward to the adventures I’ll have both along the coast the state, and the Northern half, where I’ve been told all the magic really is. But more importantly, this will be a major stepping stone into the work I will do in the next few years. And it was so deeply the specific program I have wanted to do for the last few years, from the moment I googled herbal programs and found the original Gaia School in Vermont, I said “THIS. This is the one I’m going to go to.” I’m beside myself with the idea that it is actually a reality in just 13 days!!! WOAH!! Plant Spirit Medicine. A few years ago I realized women have been passing wisdom of the earth down to each other for thousands of years, but I did not receive this from my beautiful, but somewhat close-minded maternal lineage. I was passed down Godly wisdom, but from inside a box. And I mourned the fact that I was not in line to inherit these ancient teachings. My mourning helped bring me outside of the box. Or perhaps stepping outside of the box led me to see what it was I needed to mourn, in order to receive it in a new way, from other women around the world, which I can in turn pass down.
Aloha for now,
I will soon write again,
of particular van-ing details, perhaps.
